Monday, June 17, 2013

"Snacks and Snot-Rockets" or "The Apathy of Apes" or "Vile Projectiles"

After the gym this morning, I'm feeling especially good about myself. I completed another day, lost a few more pounds, and I'm thinking a reward, in the form of a snack..., is in my immediate future. I'm thinking frittata. I'm still learning how to cook and I've been excited about trying out a new recipe I found. Arugula, smoked salmon (lox), and egg-white frittata. Yes, a healthy and delicious reward indeed. I also like saying it out loud. Fri-ta-ta! It makes me feel like a real cook. But I digress.
I'm coming out of the gym, high on expectations (and endorphins) when I pass a man (let's call him "Ape") who, out of nowhere and without warning, shoots a snot-rocket onto the sidewalk. Now, for those of you who do not know what a "snot-rocket" is, it's when someone (usually a male teen) lays a finger on the side of one nostril and blows (without a tissue) snot out of the opposite nostril. It's disgusting. I've heard about them when I was a kid in school. We joked about them at sleepovers, but I've never actually witnessed the dastardly deed - until now. I gazed at Ape's vile projectile on the sidewalk and quickly turned away. Damn my natural curiosity! Usually I have a snappy comeback reserved for loathsome characters, but the moment had passed and besides, Ape left me speechless. I'm usually a very tolerant person. Live and let live right? But at the risk of sounding cliche, what in the hell is wrong with some people? Do we have to share space AND witness bodily functions in public? Even my dog tries to bury her poops when she's finished. But HER courtesy is inherent. What is our excuse? What's next - taking a squat on isle three at Safeway? What is my responsibility as a spoke in the wheel of humanity to slow down the de-evolution of man? Our pop culture has a comic book hero for every imaginable power, but none exist with the ability to instill common courtesy. Oh the humanity!
Needless to say, frittata's are off the menu. My visual skills will only force me to compare the textures of snot and egg whites. I just can't shake the image. I'm still hungry, but all I can stomach at this point is cranberry juice. I've had a few glasses so far, and much to my suprise, cranberry's are an excellent diuretic. I'm wiggling around in my chair right now trying to finish up this rant of mine, but it gives me an idea. If I can just hold off on one more trip to the restroom, I can hustle back to the gym and demonstrate to Ape a bodily function of my own.
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